Tender emotionally because she seems to be gone


Just as a physical bruise is tender, I think we can be tender emotionally, too. Little things can figuratively “hit” us and leave a mental pain that lingers, and may or may not heal.

Yesterday I was so upset that someone close to me seems to have almost forgotten my existence. After about two months, I finally called this person and they agreed (probably reluctantly) to see me either this past Monday or Tuesday. She said she would let me know which day. I was looking forward to it and even planned to make a special lunch (not a simple meal to make), in celebration. Well, both days passed. She had totally forgotten her promise. I grew extremely angry and utterly sad at the same time.

I called her and must admit I read her the riot act. I swear I’ve only seen her perhaps two or three times in the last year, and when I did, she hardly paid attention to me. She is so self-focused. I have also become hurt out of frustration for what she’s become. Yes, of course it is not my choice what she has become, but when her new identity excludes me and those close to me it is very sad. She lives so close, but is so far away.

One might say I should be more proactive in calling her. I guess I could, but when I do, I feel like I’m not listened to and that I barely fit in her schedule. It causes me anxiety. I’m on disability and feel reluctant to take such initiatives. Boy, do I wish she would care enough to reach out to me sometimes. I could really use the support, but she is not willing to give any, at least none that really touches me emotionally. I feel she doesn’t care. I even told her that I must be very very low on her priority list, after people who care for her far far less. I also told her that she’s abandoned who she was and morphed into something that I and those close to me don’t like. But as I wrote, she seems to like her new self quite well. She says her life is “better than ever”. I wish I could be happy for her, but I’m not.  I almost feel like she’s died in a sense, even though she hasn’t.

I feel the tender pain of grief.

16 thoughts on “Tender emotionally because she seems to be gone

  1. Nel June 9, 2017 / 2:36 pm

    I know that feeling. It’s really hard to let go to even in the face of it but sometimes its for the best to make room for a new friend that will understand you better and care.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. updownflight June 9, 2017 / 4:27 pm

    Thanks, Nel. I guess I just need to adjust my expectations a bit and live with it.


  3. Dapo OBEMBE - Sir_Phren June 9, 2017 / 4:34 pm

    Cindy, I understand what you are feeling. Honestly, I do.
    You know what? Don’t judge her so quickly. She might be going through a hard time too. Also remember, we display our love in different ways. And we react to things in different ways.
    If she is not listening now, have a conversation with someone that does.
    Take deep breath and say you forgive her. You will feel much better.
    You are the best!

    Liked by 2 people

    • updownflight June 9, 2017 / 4:39 pm

      Hi Dapo. I will try to keep an open mind, but I know she is not going through a hard time. In fact, she is having the best time in her life. Just forgetting those of her former life.

      I feel kind of weak to have that conversation you suggest. Perhaps in the future I won’t. It’s sometimes hard for me to have such conversations without getting angry. It’s sometimes hard to control my emotions.

      Of course I will forgive her. I want there to be peace, and I don’t hold grudges.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dapo OBEMBE - Sir_Phren June 9, 2017 / 4:57 pm

        Alright. Good. Forgive and let it go. Don’t allow others determine what happens to your mood and emotions.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Dapo OBEMBE - Sir_Phren June 9, 2017 / 4:58 pm

    I understand you dearie.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hussein Allam June 9, 2017 / 8:21 pm

    These kind of people are everywhere, what you mentioned is not something rare to happen. I have encountered like this situation with a friend , and what I did is I ignored him, in conclusion that is so great you discover what is this kind of a person you deal. Feel happy that you knew him/her. Don’t be affected by them. Leave them and then they will come back to you, and when it is the time , act as per the situation.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. mainepaperpusher June 9, 2017 / 8:53 pm

    I applaud you for getting your feelings out and looking at them closely, no matter how much they hurt. I don’t know you, but I tend to agree with Hussein. Let her go and if she values you at all, she will come back. If she doesn’t value your friendship anymore, then you are better off without it. It will hurt you every time she does something like this, and if she doesn’t care that much, she will do it again. Sending a hug.

    Liked by 1 person

    • updownflight June 9, 2017 / 11:21 pm

      Thanks, mainepaperpusher, for sharing your advice. I definitely do have to let some things go. Thanks for the hug.

      Liked by 1 person

      • mainepaperpusher June 10, 2017 / 12:08 am

        It’s hard…so hard. I didn’t mean to make it sound easy. But if you can…

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Joanna Maguire June 14, 2017 / 11:46 am

    I know exactly what you mean! Had almost exactly the same issue with a friend of mine. We used to do so much together and then her life changed. My struggles got worse and I felt left behind. It took years of fighting to try to return to what we had before I accepted that the friendship had changed. I am still in contact with her but it is not how it was. Makes me sad yet it is much less painful to have let it go. Hope you find your way to accepting it soon and find friends who will be there for you x

    Liked by 1 person

    • updownflight June 14, 2017 / 12:25 pm

      Thank you, Joanna. As time passes, it does get easier. I know in the case of friends, someday there may be someone to take that special place, but it is difficult.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Joanna Maguire June 15, 2017 / 6:44 pm

        It is really hard, I definitely agree. I *try* to live now by the belief that someone will be in my life if they are meant to be. Not always easy though x

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s