Just as a physical bruise is tender, I think we can be tender emotionally, too. Little things can figuratively “hit” us and leave a mental pain that lingers, and may or may not heal.
Yesterday I was so upset that someone close to me seems to have almost forgotten my existence. After about two months, I finally called this person and they agreed (probably reluctantly) to see me either this past Monday or Tuesday. She said she would let me know which day. I was looking forward to it and even planned to make a special lunch (not a simple meal to make), in celebration. Well, both days passed. She had totally forgotten her promise. I grew extremely angry and utterly sad at the same time.
I called her and must admit I read her the riot act. I swear I’ve only seen her perhaps two or three times in the last year, and when I did, she hardly paid attention to me. She is so self-focused. I have also become hurt out of frustration for what she’s become. Yes, of course it is not my choice what she has become, but when her new identity excludes me and those close to me it is very sad. She lives so close, but is so far away.
One might say I should be more proactive in calling her. I guess I could, but when I do, I feel like I’m not listened to and that I barely fit in her schedule. It causes me anxiety. I’m on disability and feel reluctant to take such initiatives. Boy, do I wish she would care enough to reach out to me sometimes. I could really use the support, but she is not willing to give any, at least none that really touches me emotionally. I feel she doesn’t care. I even told her that I must be very very low on her priority list, after people who care for her far far less. I also told her that she’s abandoned who she was and morphed into something that I and those close to me don’t like. But as I wrote, she seems to like her new self quite well. She says her life is “better than ever”. I wish I could be happy for her, but I’m not. I almost feel like she’s died in a sense, even though she hasn’t.
I feel the tender pain of grief.