My very first love (Part 1 of 3)

Love in chinese
This is a first draft of a section of a possible memoir chapter

Falling in love has never been as easy as making scrambled eggs for me. Not to say I didn’t have my fair share of crushes over my earliest years, but somehow I knew the difference between the two.

girl kissing boyI remember my very first crush was a nine or 10 year old boy who happened to be a good childhood friend’s neighbor. He was a very cute and tall little boy and had a sweet smile. I remember seeing him a few times when I visited my friend, and he always seemed interested in what we two girls were doing. So one day I couldn’t hold back any longer and asked if I could kiss him. I remember him simply saying “OK”, so I proceeded to give him a peck on the cheek while my friend laughed. I never saw him again after that, but the memory lives on in my mind.

In middle school, there were a few young guys that took an interest in me, but I wasn’t that interested in them. In high school, a few guys asked me out and we went on dates (or to their houses), and they seemed to try to get a little too friendly for my taste. I kind of liked them, but definitely not enough to sleep with, as a teen. At the time, I was rather religious, and probably wouldn’t let much happen anyway, because of that. And yet, for some reason I got the feeling that the teen boys thought I was easy meat. Perhaps some false rumor got around? I don’t know.

Men being more interested in me than me in them was common place throughout my high school and early to mid-college years. Again, I dated them, but more for the dates than actual interest in the guys. I did have a couple of crushes during these periods, but it always seemed unfair that the guys I liked didn’t take an interest in me, or were already taken. The few guys I dated did get to perhaps second or third base with me, but never as far as a home run. Because I stopped before that point, I even got dumped a few times, but I didn’t shed any tears as a result.

During the summer of 1992, I taught conversational English in Poland. I wrote about that experience in my post Summer work abroad in Poland. There I made a good female friend named Krista, who was an American of Polish background. She was also a student at my university, and would also become a senior the next fall semester.  She had a very outgoing vibrant personality and was very fun to hang out with. I also liked hanging out with her in Poland because she spoke the language, since her mother was Polish. After we returned to the United States, but before the semester began, she invited me to join some friends of hers to go to the city (New York City). It ended up being two guys, plus Krista, a female friend, and me. I forget her female friend’s name, and one of the male’s names, but the other male had a unique name. It was Mihai, the Romanian form of the name Michael. He was a slightly exotic dark haired, dark eyed man with a beard and mustache, and long hair in a ponytail. Not really my usual type, but good-looking all the same. We all had a great time together and vowed we’d hang out a lot when we started back at college again. I was glad, because most of my college friends had been a year older than me, and had already graduated in the spring.

So the fall semester began, and I got together with Krista at a college coffeehouse event. There she was telling me how much of a crush she had on Mihai, one of the guy’s I met in the late summer with her. She told a story of how they went on a couple of dates, and at the end of the last he kissed her. She described how he was a great kisser, and how amazingly intelligent and interesting he was. I felt good for her because she seemed to beam with happiness.

Again, Krista and the same crew of friends and I met for various events, but the get togethers slowed down a bit when she became busy in her Biology lab. Despite, we did have a meeting set eventually, but she backed out at the last minute. Mihai said he’d still be “there” anyway. I went to the event and met up with him. I thought he was a cool guy, too, so was happy to see him.

After that first time alone with Mihai I have to say that I developed a bit of a crush on him myself, and it became clear that he seemed particularly interested in me, too. We liked each other’s stories, seemed to have a lot in common, and enjoyed humorous wordplay. As mentioned earlier, I had never had such a mutual attraction. My skin prickled with extreme excitement, and I think it even sparked a bit of bipolar hypomania (I have bipolar disorder) over time. Conditions were pretty ripe for hypomania to brew. I was taking 21 credits of classes that semester because I fell behind the previous year because of depression. Everything seemed flat out easy for me at this time, and I was having a blast and was full of excitement.

As the hypomania increased, my behavior became a bit elated. Sometimes elated people with hypomania/mania become a bit extra attractive to the people around them, and them to the hypomanic person. Perhaps I was particularly creative sounding, vibrant physically, and extra alluring? I guess. With hypomania, I also become quite flirtatious. Definitely not an exaggeration!  I have to be honest, as Krista clocked more and more time in the Biology lab, Mihai and I clocked time together. With my hypomania, I just didn’t care that he was her love interest. It’s a shame that impulsivity took over. Though Mihai never had bipolar disorder, he seemingly didn’t care about being “unfaithful” to Krista either.

Edie Brickell
They said I looked like Edie Brickell

Love was in the air for me for the first time at 20 years old. I found myself only thinking of Mihai and my classwork. I forgot to eat. I was running around everywhere. I lost a lot of weight. I think I started the year at maybe 135 lbs (61 kg) at 5’7” (a very good weight for me, being large boned and muscular from past ballet), and was soon in my 120s. Then I got some terrible bronchitis and ended up almost bedridden for a week. Mihai would come and bring me food and check up on me. By the time the bronchitis subsided, I was 118 lbs (53.5 kg). For me that was extremely thin. Looking back at photos of that time, I looked quite underweight. But Mihai seemed to find me particularly attractive that thin, and even told me so. I had very long wavy dark blond hair at the time, and many guys, including Mihai, said I reminded them of the Bohemian-type singer Edie Brickell, who was popular at the time.

After a number of dates, Mihai asked me out to dinner, alone. He came to my dorm (the Asian culture house), to pick me up. I remember opening up the front door after the doorbell rang and he stepped in. He stopped, staring straight into my blue eyes with his intense brown ones, and with a nervous giggle and smile he said breathlessly, “Cindy, I think I’m falling in love with you.” With that, an almost violent nervous energy shot down from my head to my toes. He reached for me, and we kissed for what seemed like a full minute. Yes, Krista was right that he was an outstanding kisser. But perhaps being my first kiss with a man I was in love with, who also loved me, it was even more powerful and dream-like.

kiss man woman

Click My very first love Part 2 to continue this story





44 thoughts on “My very first love (Part 1 of 3)

    • updownflight August 7, 2017 / 4:01 pm

      Oh Vandana, I’m kind of dreading writing part 2. Not that it won’t bring back MARVELOUS memories, but my memories are pretty full of you know what. I’m not sure how descriptive I should be, or if WordPress has some limitations on certain type of content. I don’t want it to sound like a raunchy romance novel section, but at the same time if it will be in my memoir I shouldn’t leave everything out. Plus, my husband reads my blog. My husband may be my true love, but he isn’t my first love.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Vandana August 7, 2017 / 4:40 pm

        I know Cindy..I can perfectly understand the quandary of what must be going through your mind but I guess it’s just a wonderful memory that shouldn’t be locked in memoirs! I would love to read the continuation, you recount and sketch them in such an engaging way! Well, your husband I’m sure will be extraordinarily fascinated reading and knowing the sensual lady out there is none other than his beautiful and alluring wife…a living love story right next to him!😊

        Liked by 2 people

      • updownflight August 7, 2017 / 4:46 pm

        I really like how you suggest I look at it. I’m going to put together an outline of Part 2 during the course of the day. I’ll do my best to capture the thrill of it without it looking trashy in any way. It wasn’t trashy in any way. It was beautiful at the time. So, yes, I guess it won’t look trashy if I do a good job. But as all “first loves” go, things won’t be perfect forever. If they were, I’d call this story series “My true love” instead of “My very first love”. The “My true love” chapter in my memoir will be reserved for my hubby.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Vandana August 7, 2017 / 4:54 pm

        😀..the loves of our lives are never trashy, Cindy. First or the forever one, each hold a tiny space somewhere in us. And that make us women out here a gorgeous mess of chaotic charm..the mystery men love to fathom 🤗

        Liked by 2 people

      • updownflight August 7, 2017 / 6:02 pm

        Thanks so much, Vandana, for your advice and support on this. I value it a lot!

        Liked by 2 people

      • Vandana August 7, 2017 / 6:38 pm

        Always… to hearten and share happy thoughts and perceptions!

        Liked by 2 people

    • moo393 August 14, 2017 / 4:50 pm

      This is amazing! Check out my blogging sight at
      I love how you have combined lots of different things (I.e friendships, mental disorders, e.t.c). I am defo reading the next part! Xoxo

      Liked by 2 people

      • updownflight August 14, 2017 / 5:02 pm

        Thank you, moo393. I will definitely check out your site. Yes, part 2 is posted, as is part 3 (the final part), which I posted today.

        Liked by 1 person

      • moo393 August 14, 2017 / 5:06 pm

        Ooh, I must read that @updownflight! Make sure you comment on my post xoxo

        Liked by 2 people

      • updownflight August 14, 2017 / 5:14 pm

        Just did, moo393. I’m very excited to see your upcoming posts, as well.

        Liked by 1 person

    • moo393 August 14, 2017 / 6:31 pm

      Hi Vandana, I love your blogs btw! Please read my latest blog posts and be sure to follow me! Xoxo

      Liked by 3 people

  1. Josephine August 8, 2017 / 12:11 am

    I love it! It’s like you remember it like it was yesterday. The part where he stares at you and declares he is falling in love with you just seems like such a fairy tale! I have stars in my eyes.

    Liked by 2 people

    • updownflight August 8, 2017 / 12:31 am

      Oh Josephine, that moment will never die in my memory, just as many later memories of things my husband (my TRUE love) said will live forever.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Traci York August 8, 2017 / 3:20 am

    Wow – your description brought me right back to my first (real, heart-stopping) kiss. Beautifully woven story, with enough hints of what I expect will not be a happy ending (although I hope I’m wrong). Well done, and I’m looking forward to the next installment!

    Liked by 2 people

    • updownflight August 8, 2017 / 12:20 pm

      Thank you so much for reading, Traci. I hope to post the second of three parts later today. I’m glad that part 1 brought back some wonderful memories for you.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Moushmi Radhanpara August 8, 2017 / 12:48 pm

    Hey, I am so glad that I bumped into your blog.
    This was a very fresh and beautiful post. I am already eager to know what happened next!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. zlotybaby August 8, 2017 / 6:06 pm

    Great read! Will read part 2 soon. I’ll also read you read post about Poland because I’m curious about how foreigners perceive my homeland.

    Liked by 2 people

    • updownflight August 8, 2017 / 6:10 pm

      Thank you so much, zlotybaby “golden baby”:)

      I wish I had had the chance to spend even more time in Poland. I think Poland is a beautiful country, and treasured my Polish friends Maria and Beata the most.

      Liked by 2 people

      • zlotybaby August 8, 2017 / 6:22 pm

        😄 You’re now officially among very few people who know what my nickname means 😉Maybe you’ll visit it again one day. I totally agree that bar mleczny is the best place to get food!

        Liked by 2 people

      • updownflight August 8, 2017 / 6:27 pm

        My husband is a Czech. In Czech Republic everything is “zloty”.

        My husband and I did visit Poland briefly about 6 years ago. Oddly, it was really one of the first times he ever did, despite growing up in Prague. The bar mleczny was still there. I was happy to see that.

        Liked by 2 people

      • zlotybaby August 8, 2017 / 8:46 pm

        Yes, well, Czech and Polish people have a bit of a funny relationship. Perhaps it’s because Polish people always want to use their language, we’re all Slavic brothers and all? I don’t know why I never felt welcome in Czech Republic. I met a lot of lovely Czech people abroad, though.

        Liked by 2 people

      • updownflight August 8, 2017 / 9:19 pm

        My husband was born and raised in Czech Republic. He has a J.D. in Law, but worked in the service industry for a bit. Foreigners would ask him why he and others in Czechoslovakia wouldn’t smile. He’d respond “We have nothing to smile about.”

        Anyway, hubby tells me when Czech make close friends they are very close, but he says Czechs are not normally friendly with anyone they don’t know. Perhaps that is changing a little, but I don’t think significantly.

        Liked by 2 people

      • zlotybaby August 9, 2017 / 4:23 am

        Did your husband study in the States or back home? I didn’t want to be rude but yes, they can be quite unfriendly. It seems to be a thing in the region in general. After 6 years in a foreign country people in Poland seemed so rude, abrupt and unfriendly during my visit. I don’t think it’s a healthy attitude. I’m still working on ondoing my negative programming. Now I’m more of an opinion that there’s always something to smile about and I try to appreciate small things.

        Liked by 2 people

      • updownflight August 9, 2017 / 10:13 am

        That’s OK. Yes my hubby always admits that freely.

        He came to the US in his late 20s a few years after getting his JD in Law from Charles University in Prague. He was never allowed to practice because he refused to join the Communist party. Plus, he had family that left for Germany.

        Liked by 2 people

      • zlotybaby August 9, 2017 / 3:47 pm

        Shame could he do anything with his degree in the US? It’s such a shame if you’re studied and then you’re not allowed to do anything with your degree. I was lucky to get a full recognition of my degree in South Africa, but employers are still prejudiced. What does your husband do now?

        Liked by 2 people

      • updownflight August 9, 2017 / 4:02 pm

        For my hubby to practice law in the U.S. he would have had to do a lot of studying and pass the US bar exam, and probably some state requirements. For some reason he lost his interest in law. He does work as a sort of investigator at a company, though. His degree is slightly helpful for that.

        Liked by 2 people

      • zlotybaby August 9, 2017 / 4:18 pm

        That sounds like he’s quite sorted. I hope he likes his job.

        A big problem in SA especially with African emigrants is that come with they master’s degrees, really smart, knowledgeable people and they end up spending years and years working as waiters, cleaners etc.

        Liked by 2 people

      • updownflight August 9, 2017 / 5:28 pm

        Unfortunately, my hubby is not as happy as he’d like to be with his work.

        Liked by 2 people

      • zlotybaby August 10, 2017 / 6:10 am

        I’m sorry about that. I think emigration tends to be tough, especially for people in humanities.

        Liked by 2 people

      • updownflight August 10, 2017 / 2:43 pm

        True, perhaps if he had been a scientist or engineer of some sort it would have been easier.

        Liked by 2 people

      • zlotybaby August 11, 2017 / 5:50 am

        He can always learn coding, if that’s something that would interest him.

        Liked by 2 people

      • updownflight August 11, 2017 / 2:34 pm

        He already makes more money as an investigator than coders.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Hussein Allam September 9, 2017 / 7:09 pm

    Wow! What a beautiful post! Liked reading this romantic post. I am glad to know that you have two series you need to post soon. I am waiting…..❤️😊

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s