I’ve been struggling to write in my blog lately, and haven’t been able to read as many other bloggers’ posts as I’d like. I’m sorry! Initially, the struggle had to do with my inability to concentrate due to various levels of bipolar mania (high energy). Now I just plain don’t have sufficient energy.
People with bipolar disorder have low energy at times because of depression, other times because of sedation from medications, or on some occasions for no real discernible reason. My low energy situation is clearly from medication sedation right now. I’m thinking that my medications should soon be adjusted. I feel like I’m literally drugged like a horse all day long, and yet when I didn’t take a morning dose, my recent energy levels were way too high. Even under normal circumstances my energy levels usually start low to normal in the morning, become overly elevated in the afternoon, and then ease at night. If compared to music, it would be like pianissimo in the morning, and then a crescendo causing fortissimo in the afternoon, back down a bit to mezzo-piano at night. It took a sedating evening medication to achieve silence for sleep.
Energy levels of both extremes affect my ability to work. Yes, I can sometimes manage the part-time equivalent of work, but that’s been usually on my good days. Low motivation and energy on days when my mood is low, or the highest energy days with it’s inappropriate behavior (e.g. impulsivity, loudness, oddness, etc.) and difficulty concentration, are barriers to productive success, too.
It’s true that some people with bipolar disorder, who are stable, can be as productive as those without the disorder, or even occasionally more productive. Even those with low-grade mood symptoms can sometimes manage. However, some of us when challenged too much will implode or explode. For such people, the challenge can seem surprisingly minor to those without the disorder. The mood fluctuations during the course of a day, for some, make productive success possible only in spurts. I find that when I get to revved up, I must step away from what I am doing. When I truly need rest, I can’t force myself to do things to the degree that others do.
I had a different post planned for today’s WordPress Daily word “crescendo”, but it is quite ambitious. Far more ambitious than this post. I’ll work on that post more some other time. Stay tuned, it will be about “The music in speech”. It requires research and other preparations I just don’t have in me right now. Actually, it’s been a work in progress for a while.