Silently losing my grasp on mental stability

window staring blanklyI’m sitting here writing this, after over one week of silence on my blog. A while back I wrote of writer’s block, but now I don’t believe that to be completely true. I do have fleeting ideas, but just sometimes have a hard time expressing them beyond a few sentences. The further I proceed in my thoughts and writing, the more I find myself cut short. Don’t get me wrong, I have been getting some other things done, but it’s been a hard push the whole way long. Yes, a push rather than dragging something like a boulder. Do you understand the difference?

Right now I feel calm, but not a pleasant calm. I am not blocking out the things I need to do, nor am I fretting about them. I’m just saying “Too bad! It’s not going to happen. Hubby may be disappointed, but it feels beyond my control. At least I did X. I hope this doesn’t last long.” ­­

There are no tears in my eyes, but no laughs from my mouth. I have no major anxiety. I’m just here alone. Well, with my pet parrot, but he’s grown weary of me. His cage door is open, but he doesn’t bother to even come out.

I have had occasional mild stomach upsets lately. They come and go, though. I chew a couple of antacids and that seems to help a bit.

I look at my calendar, and there are appointments lining up.  This, that, and another thing. A couple are sessions with my doctor and therapist. What do I tell them? “Blahhhhhhhhhhh! I’m going to continue to hide away in my bed under my covers as much as I can. If and when the sun shines on me I might make another move.”

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. I do want to show my love for my husband. One long kiss and a gentle hug, and then a sigh. “I’m sorry, Honey! This will pass. Patience is a virtue, you know. Thank you for hanging in with me. I’ll make this up to you when I can.”

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