Distractability and spaciness of a person with bipolar disorder

Crocus in snow
Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been very slowly coming out of a depression. This past weekend I felt fairly good, though. I had energy, motivation, and was enjoying activities both with my husband, and alone. And yet on Saturday, my husband said something that initially irritated me, but now kind of worries me. We were at the dining room table and I was playing a beautiful piece of music by Leos Janacek. I had lit a candle and a lovely dinner was on the table. Hubby said something to me, but I was concentrating on the beauty of the music and general situation. It felt wonderful! I heard him, but wasn’t really paying full attention to him.

music in headHubby seemed a combination of annoyed and concerned when I didn’t respond to his question, or at least not right away. He said something like “Did you even hear me? I’m getting concerned about you and your ability to listen.” I then got angry and told him that HE interrupted my enjoyment of the music and ambiance. He argued with me saying I do that a LOT, and I told him that I did eventually respond. We ate and it was not talked about again.

So today, I am on my way to the grocery store. En route, I start thinking that something seems weird, but I couldn’t immediately put my finger on it. Then I realized that I couldn’t see very well. I forgot to put on my glasses. That never happens, since I’m pretty near-sighted, and under normal circumstances would figure it out immediately. I didn’t turn back, but managed to get to the store. I found a pair of prescription sun glasses in my purse and put them on before I entered the store.

Entering the store, I was just walking forward with my grocery cart. My cart then bumped into a grocery worker’s metal work cart. I quickly apologized, but then she gave me a very nasty look. Quickly I scolded her that there are always carts blocking customers’ ways, and that I can’t see very well. It was true that she was blocking the way. She was just standing there doing nothing with an empty worker cart. The cart could have been pushed further to the side, but the woman left it in the middle of the path. I felt happy that I scolded her because she was inconsiderate. I was almost happy I rammed into her stupid cart, though I didn’t do it deliberately.

Though I had a shopping list, during my shopping I kept forgetting things and had to totally back track to the beginning of my shopping route. I was getting frustrated and started to sweat. At the end, I went to a cashier that I knew and liked, because I was afraid I’d end up having some uncomfortable experience with anyone else.

I got home and was unloading the groceries. I put mouthwash in the refrigerator at one point. Then I was taking the garbage to the garage and totally passed the garbage can heading as if I was going to my car trunk. Maybe to get more groceries that weren’t there? Who knows!

I decided to go to bed with my laptop. I was glad to hide away.

Last night I went to bed at a fairly early time. Maybe 9:30 pm, which probably still felt like 8:30 pm given the time change in the US. But I did wake up a lot throughout the night, at one point thinking I might start baking something, but I was smart and didn’t, and managed to get back to sleep until about 6:45 am, which again was more like 5:45 am, pretty darned early for me.

I wonder if this distractability and spaciness I’m experiencing is some kind of a sign of something to come. A transitional sign. I know I have such symptoms when I’m in bipolar episodes, especially manic ones. But I don’t feel even mildly hypomanic in other ways at this point, though I do have a history of upswings (or even mania) this time of year. Really, February or March inevitably brings some kind of change in my mood.

I do not have ADHD.

14 thoughts on “Distractability and spaciness of a person with bipolar disorder

  1. howikilledbetty March 12, 2018 / 7:56 pm

    Our bodies are weird and wonderful things … if it was me I’d probably go to the doctor and have a chat in a few days if it carries on. Probably something really simple or just ‘one of those things’ … I like talking to the doctor, it stops me worrying! Keep us posted so we know you’re ok ☀️☀️

    Liked by 1 person

    • updownflight March 12, 2018 / 8:00 pm

      Thanks, howikilledbetty! Actually, I see my pdoc tomorrow. It just happens to be on that day. I’ll let him know what I’ve noticed and see what he says. I’ve been seeing him more often lately anyway because I’m getting over a depression. Strange that the depression SEEMS to be gone, in a way.


      • howikilledbetty March 12, 2018 / 8:07 pm

        That’s really good if the depression seems to have gone … wow! I know that I go through funny phases too, being forgetful or simply exhausted. Would love to know how you get on tomorrow. Best wishes Katie

        Liked by 1 person

  2. fallingapart March 12, 2018 / 11:41 pm

    I experience things like this too so this was nice to read. Hope you get to feeling better.

    Liked by 1 person

    • updownflight March 13, 2018 / 12:09 am

      Thanks, fallingapart. I hope these experiences become less common for both of us.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. shatteredwishes March 13, 2018 / 2:33 pm

    Hey girl, I can totally relate to what you wrote in this post! I mean it sounds like what bipolar does you know? I mean for me, I have like these thoughts at the front of my brain, (my mental to-do list when I am out and about trying to complete my task), then my mind just wanders you know, just goes out into all these different tangents totally distracting me from that mental to-do list and interrupting my focus. Does that make sense? Happy to hear that you are going to your pdoc though. Maybe there is something that can be done about it. I personally don’t like throwing medication at a problem, but I am worried about you and I don’t want it to get worse. Keep us updated! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • updownflight March 13, 2018 / 3:25 pm

      Definitely does make sense. Thanks for sharing your experience with this issue, too, shattered wishes. Let’s hope we can get relief.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. throughthemania March 28, 2018 / 10:01 pm

    A lot of times BPD is accompanied by ADHD. You can take a TOVA test to see if you have ADHD. I don’t know why this is the case but I have read it different places a few times.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. julzygirl2112 June 1, 2018 / 11:53 pm

    Yep, I actually go through this too. Pretty much all of it. I’m lucky that we have set up an enviroment here that lets me be free to be as scatterbrained as I get without having to feel bad or be chastised. My old man accepts ever part of me as I am and believe me it’s not easy for either one of us. My bipolar disorder is constantly bringing strange symptoms to the table. No, not always pleasant but we laugh a lot around here. The best thing in the world for me is when I do something totally dumb and senseless and he looks at me and tells me how amazing I am. The bad times are so bad for me that we try to make the good times better. My vision gets all unfocused at times, my speech comes out in gibberish, I get uncoordinated and on and on. It’s like my brain is misfiring and making me all whatever. I don’t even know where I’m going with this but I AM hoping to show support for a fellow sister!!! 😀😀😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • updownflight June 2, 2018 / 11:21 am

      Thanks for sharing, julzygirl2112! That’s wonderful that you can laugh about your spacey or distracted moments. I often do, too. I’m not sure why my husband is still not used to them after all these years. I guess he is scared that they are a sign of something worse to come. I’m glad your husband reacts as he does.

      I actually never became manic in February or March this year, but did in May. It has actually only eased in the last couple of days. I think a trip to Europe egged it on. I think I did have plenty of spaciness there. Clumsiness, too.


      • julzygirl2112 June 2, 2018 / 4:33 pm

        We just keep moving. Lol. He was always like that. Just totally open and accepting. It’s a gift really. I feel like fear in people is still a big factor because of stigma and it sucks. It feels like it’s almost like how people fear wild animals. They can be so nice a snuggly but unpredictable because they are indeed still wild. People also fear what they don’t understand and that’s why with understanding comes acceptance and compassion. Even before my diagnosis I was wild and it takes a strong person to deal with me. I was fearless because I didn’t know any better. I always saw it as being true and real in all situations. It took me years to learn that my wildness was actually defeating my success. Now I let him drive and we down shift a lot. Being older has slowed me down a bit. I just don’t have any energy left. I don’t know, the more I tell him, the more he gets me and that’s priceless! I refuse to feel bad because of my sickness and that attitude has kept me alive. But it cuts both ways. I wish this thing didn’t cause so much destruction for so many people. Ok I’m done. Lol

        Liked by 1 person

      • updownflight June 2, 2018 / 5:32 pm

        You can’t imagine how much I relate to everything you wrote here!


      • julzygirl2112 June 2, 2018 / 5:55 pm

        That’s good! It’s good for both of us to see that we are not alone!

        Liked by 1 person

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