Bird Flight

Main Topics: Excuses and Overly Rosy Perception of Appearance?

I’m here, but I deep down didn’t want to write today’s update. I promised I would, and I know that it’s a good thing to do.

You may recall that my primary goals for my fitness and weight loss journey are to lower my cholesterol and feel better physically. Weight loss for vanity sake is only my third reason. I sometimes wonder if the fact that I’m OK with my current appearance sort of hinders my progress to a degree. I’ll reflect on that below but know that’s not the only struggle I’m having.

This week, all I had to do was change last week’s weight change minus signs to plus signs. Yes, the numbers were exactly the same, but in the opposite direction, zeroing out last week’s progress. At least that spared me from looking up the kilogram equivalents. Maybe next week the weight change will go up again by the exact same numbers. Talk about lazy thinking!

Week 14 weight change:  + 1.4 lbs ( + 0.64 kg)

Total weight loss to date (over 14 weeks):  – 8.2 lbs ( – 3.7 kg)

Week’s exercise (above & beyond):  Last week I referred to myself as “speedy”, like a fast car. This week I was more like a car with a dead battery that needed to be pushed. One day I did do some much-needed gardening, but then I was pretty much bed-ridden feeling sore and exhausted. Every day I asked myself “Why am I so tired?”

Yes, my energy levels plummeted. I mentioned that I’ve been having some mood lability. Up down, up down, like the looks of a roller coaster. My energy goes down, but my weight goes up. I don’t exactly feel depressed, but I’m totally unmotivated and have to force myself to do anything productive. I didn’t track my eating. I didn’t feel like cooking most days, which led to “quick” meals of the less than healthful varieties. I didn’t go to the grocery store when I needed to, which reduced the healthful options more. Boo! Do I scold myself for this? Do I tell myself it’s OK because I’ve been feeling unwell? I don’t know.

I’m prone to making excuses. “Well,” I tell myself, “I don’t really look bad physically.” I know that I’m overweight, but I definitely don’t obsess about it. I’m wavering between size 10 and 12 jeans, but I’m a good height and kind of large-boned and muscular from my days of ballet, ages ago. If I can manage to lose 13 pounds, I’ll be at the high end of a normal BMI. I remember thinking I looked pretty darned good at that weight, especially for a mid-40s woman of my build. And sometimes I say, “My high cholesterol hasn’t killed me yet.” I sometimes tell myself that my current weight is the weight that “The Powers That Be” want me to be. Ha ha! Everyone in my family is chunky or have even reached obese. Oddly, I’m usually always the thinnest of our lot. Oh boy! That is dangerous thinking! It certainly doesn’t help me on my weight loss and fitness journey.

Interim goals:  I think I need to talk with my therapist about my mood slump and unproductive thinking. I need some help right now to get back on track. I could pledge to do this or do that, but until I get myself back to a better place and adjust my thinking, I highly doubt such pledges would be honored.

To read about the weight loss plan and tools I chose for this effort, click My Fitness and Weight Loss Plan Described. You can also read my very first post introducing this effort at Long haul healthy weight and fitness efforts – creation of a Friday post series.