Stream of consciousness – From the present working backwards

stream of consciousness

I’ve been in one of those strange states where at times I feel and seem extremely normal and even pretty well, and yet in ways I’m really struggling. My eating has been just terrible. Really terrible! And I’m even hiding a lot of it from my husband. Almost like when an alcohol abuser hides their bottles.

Morning and early afternoons seem to be OK, but come around 3 pm and I feel like I’m slipping. I’ll admit that I just got my monthly. Perhaps that is playing into this. My motivation is almost nil right now. I have no idea what to make for dinner, and wish I didn’t even have to make it. I wish some vegetable heavy meal would just show up on my table at 7 pm when my husband gets home, and call me to the table, too. Continue reading

Bipolar Disorder and Difficulties Multitasking

Multitasking woman

I’ve been mostly absent from WordPress for quite a while now, except the occasional post, mostly diet-related. I’ve been under a great deal of stress, and have been having trouble expressing myself in certain ways. It’s also been difficult for me to do certain basic activities of daily living, and more difficult to do even more complex chores and tasks, that many people do easily. Multitasking? Overwhelming! Stuff is falling through the cracks, overlooked, and clumsily handled, if handled. Continue reading

US citizens – Please vote, if you can!

Your vote countsI’d like to urge everyone of age in the USA, whose eligible, to vote. Today (Tuesday, November 6, 2018) is Election Day in the USA. There are many issues that affect those like me with mental illness or other illnesses, significantly. Or ones that don’t now, may very well in years to come. No matter what your priorities are, everyone’s vote makes a difference. Not voting is often regrettable. Around 40% or more eligible voters don’t vote. Imagine that! That’s horrible that non voters’ interests aren’t represented!

Not registered to vote? Though in some states it’s too late to register on election day, in several states there is same day registration that makes it possible. See http://www.ncsl.org/research/electio…istration.aspx for details. If it is too late in your state, please consider registering as soon as possible, so you can vote in the next election.

Don’t know where to vote? Visit  https://www.vote.org/polling-place-locator/ to find out.

Weeks 22 to 30 – Friday Fitness and Weight Loss Update

Hello again

Main Topic: Totally falling off the weight loss effort wagon

One of my main purposes in creating these Friday Fitness and Weight Loss updates was to stay mindful of my eating and exercise, or lack thereof. I promised to post these updates every week with only exceptions for vacations, sickness, or emergencies. I, obviously, did not keep that promise. With this update, you’ll see that seven weeks have past since I reported on these efforts. Yes, I “fell off the wagon”. I’m here now, though. I won’t claim to be currently vigilant about the effort, but I’m being mindful about it again. Below you’ll see a bit what happened since August 31, 2018. Continue reading

Pluck me from this horrid place

Oh, please! One day may we find the key that fits!

Bird Flight

key in door

Pluck me from this horrid place that I have lived in for so long. No, not from my literal home with you, my love, but from the jail of its inner rooms.

You know the jail itself is solely in my brain. Outside with you are miles of beauty. And yet you only ever look through my jail window at me, saturated by grey and black. Though I do see a glimpse of the outside beauty past your face, it seems surreal and distant. Your face looks sad and frustrated. I kiss it through the jail window, but we both want more.

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MC, Day 4: Pump up the Jam

Have you been watching the news lately? If so, there’s been a lot of talk about women being victimized at drunken parties in high school and college. Or women victimized by stars like Bill Cosby, formerly thought of as a “Sweet Dad” figure. I’m not a judge, and I’m not part of a jury regarding the person(s) in the news, but I can tell you that I know such victimizations do indeed happen, and a lot! I’m reblogging my story below from a long time ago. I was extremely lucky! Many girls/women (and sometimes the occasional guy) aren’t so lucky. At the time, I knew I might have escaped something potentially bad, but I didn’t think much more of it for long afterwards. Now I’m thinking about people who weren’t so lucky.

Though I didn’t suffer any major consequences the day I drank illegally in the story below, what was done to me was still a crime. I don’t happen to remember any faces or names from that night, other than perhaps the face and name of my freshman year roommate. If I did, I would be severely unhappy with them. Would I have reported them if I did? I don’t know. Actually, I kind of doubt it. But if I did know the person’s name who put that drug into my drink, and later learned that person lied about having done a crime to the whole world, I would say something.

Bird Flight

dance party 1

OK, anyone who has read any or all of my Five-Day Music Challenge posts is going to scratch their head about this one. I’m scratching my head as I type it. Yes, this is updownflight writing this.

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It’s October – Apple Time! Where to pick them, and a few yummy recipes

I know it is still September, but some apple varieties are already available for picking. My hubby and I will pick some today.

Bird Flight

apples on tree Pick em fresh from the tree

My husband just LOVES apples! You’ve probably heard the saying “An apple a day keeps the doctor away”? Well, he certainly eats at least one apple every day. Maybe even two, or sometimes three. Actually, last weekend we went to a local apple orchard, and I swear he ate five. Honestly! September and October is certainly apple time in our part of the United States. Every year we can’t resist going to the orchard when they are in season, and picking two big canvas bags worth. The price was good, but because of the weight, we spent almost $50 total for those filled sacks. Good grief! What are we to do with all of the apples? Even my hubby can’t manage to eat them up too quickly.

My husband has his clear favorite apples varieties (Jonathan and Macoun), but the orchard we go to…

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Weeks 19 to 21 – Friday Fitness and Weight Loss Update

Im backI vowed not to skip my weekly Friday Fitness and Weight Loss updates, but I obviously did these past few weeks. I wasn’t on any pre-planned vacation. I was just feeling particularly unwell. I’m not going to beat myself up for this. It’s not nice to beat oneself up for neglecting things when unwell. Also, I’d rather pat myself on the back for posting this today instead of completely abandoning my updates. I do have good results, despite some indulgences. Find them below: Continue reading

Week 18 – Friday Fitness and Weight Loss Update

Stress free

Ahhhhh! Stress relief gets me back on track

This week I found myself back to a normal routine. Pressures and unique events are past for now. I even had one of my usual “comforts” return. Continue reading

Week 17 – Friday Fitness & Weight Loss Update

Back on trackI neglected to weigh myself on my official weigh in day (Friday), and didn’t write my weekly Friday Fitness & Weight Loss update on my blog that day either, as you can see. I did weigh myself today (Monday) and I’m up 0.8 lbs after last week’s mega gain. I’m sad to say that I’ve regained over half of what I lost during this journey, even since early May. Back then I thought by now I would have reached a normal Body Mass Index (BMI). It has not happened. I guess I could punish myself mentally and feel like I’ve failed, but I’m not going to. I keep writing these updates, and I am still a lower weight than when I started. I guess even if I gained all of the weight back (and more), I could at least say that I’ve learned from this experience. Continue reading