I’m currently on vacation, mentally, and it feels good

floating in the clouds

Actually, I do have a real vacation coming up, but not quite yet. My husband and I are going to Portugal to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary in the not too distant future. We loved Portugal the first time we went. In fact, it was about the most relaxing satisfying trips I’ve ever taken in my life. Unlike vacations that preceded it, I had no anger outbursts, no anxieties, was motivated to explore, and found pleasure in almost everything. I experienced true peace. I was also not hypomanic or manic. The enjoyment I experienced was pure grounded free pleasure. Though we haven’t yet left for our second trip to that lovely country, I am already feeling that same feeling, even at home. Continue reading

The first signs of spring for me – from mood elevation to grackles

Woman sun spring

Last Tuesday, March 20, 2018 marked the official start of spring. By that day, I had already noticed the clear signs of resolution of a recent four week depression. Just prior to that, I had been telling everyone that a mood upswing was due to arrive. After all, spring mood upswings predictably started almost every year at this time. They sometimes started as early as the end of February, or at least sometime in March. This pattern finally arrived, as predicted. Thank goodness! Continue reading

Lost years in my life? Not nearly as many as I originally thought!

 

Yesterday I received an e-mail notice of a blog post on Bp Magazine’s website www.bphope.com. It was called Learning From My Lost Years by Dave Mowry. In that blog post, Dave Mowry reflected on years he considered “lost” from his life, as a result of his bipolar disorder. He wrote that a lot more years were “lost” than actually good, and that though he appreciates the good ones, they just don’t make up for the bad (or “lost”) ones. He ended his post positive about the present, but I felt bad for him and then I started thinking about my life with bipolar disorder. In the past, I have also labeled many of the years in my life as “lost”, with great sadness. I suppose I still do to some degree, but at this moment I realized that maybe not so very many were really “lost” after all. Dave Mowry only emphasized high value for the good years, but perhaps there is value to the bad ones, as well. Continue reading

Quasi-superstitious acts and thoughts

I am not a particularly religious person, though I guess I’d call myself an agnostic rather than an atheist. I mean, how can I really know what is awaiting me after my death? Having “faith” in a story is a bit hard for me sometimes, especially in cases where the story seems unlikely in many respects, and not definitively proven. I guess I have a more scientific way of looking at things, since science research often proves theories in ways that seem indisputable, or at least very logical in my point of view. But again, strange things happen sometimes that amaze, and ideas like the universe’s creation (or really many things) seem so beyond what my human brain can imagine. Continue reading

My déjà vu experiences and their possible origins

deja vu

When considering topics for today’s daily prompt word “identical”, what came to mind first were my experiences with déjà vu. I believe most people are familiar with the term déjà vu. If not, the relevant Merriam-Webster dictionary definition I’m writing about is “the illusion of remembering scenes and events when experienced for the first time.” Or to me, it is more like where you recognize that even minute movements (like turns of your head), exact sounds, and sometimes even feelings and/or smells altogether take you back to moments of an absolute identical experience. Have you ever experienced déjà vu? Continue reading

Happiness is the cheapest face lift

Happy woman2

I was only in my mid 20s when I noticed a faint vertical wrinkle between my eyebrows. I don’t think it was noticeable to others, though. And sometimes the wrinkle would almost disappear in my eyes, too. Really, it depended a lot on the mood I was in. You see, when I was depressed, stressed, and/or frustrated and angry I’d often squint. As I’d squint, my eyebrows grew closer and the wrinkle deepened. When I was happy and bright, my eyebrows lifted and grew further apart, pulling the skin almost ironing out the line. Mood alone did the trick. Continue reading

Distractability and spaciness of a person with bipolar disorder

Crocus in snow
Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been very slowly coming out of a depression. This past weekend I felt fairly good, though. I had energy, motivation, and was enjoying activities both with my husband, and alone. And yet on Saturday, my husband said something that initially irritated me, but now kind of worries me. We were at the dining room table and I was playing a beautiful piece of music by Leos Janacek. I had lit a candle and a lovely dinner was on the table. Hubby said something to me, but I was concentrating on the beauty of the music and general situation. It felt wonderful! I heard him, but wasn’t really paying full attention to him.

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Silently losing my grasp on mental stability

window staring blanklyI’m sitting here writing this, after over one week of silence on my blog. A while back I wrote of writer’s block, but now I don’t believe that to be completely true. I do have fleeting ideas, but just sometimes have a hard time expressing them beyond a few sentences. The further I proceed in my thoughts and writing, the more I find myself cut short. Continue reading