Messages to help people survive suicidal thinking

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Mental Health Daily’s Mental Health Blog gathered 10 powerful quotes and sayings aimed at suicide prevention. Since we are nearing the end of Mental Health Awareness month (May), I thought I’d share these quotes and sayings with you. The above-mentioned blog post provides some helpful comments after each quote. Consider visiting it. I thought they were very helpful, and were a quick read. Continue reading

Getting where I need to be (and thanks to Nel for telling me it’s World Turtle Day). Moving slowly but surely.

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I’m like a turtle sitting in its box, or at the least slowly making its way to a not so obvious destination, and then returning home in frustration.

I am slowed down not just from my general condition, but a chemical fix that is meant to keep me sedated and calm. Unfortunately this fix slows me down more than I’d wish. I try to push myself. Or maybe sometimes there’s an invisible slow-moving hand pushing me forward, with my feet and belly sliding on the ground. Continue reading

Left adrift, but found our way

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Looking back at my childhood through my mid 20s, I suppose one could say that compared to other youth, I was mostly left adrift. I think my siblings were, as well. My parents were the opposite of “helicopter parents” in that they did not control our every move. In fact, they did not control much of what we did. They provided us with a nice home, and good food to eat. They took us on weekend and other excursions. They did teach us right from wrong, but beyond that we had a certain freedom that many other children our ages didn’t seem to have. Continue reading

Learning from Cats

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Right now, I am resigned to the necessity of patience and carefully calculated approaches. Being middle-aged, I have learned from the impulsivity of my youth. It took me a very long time to get to this point of control, and ability to safely stay put. Today, I’m aware how important it is to keep my eyes widely opened to make sure I know what is ahead, aside and behind me. Continue reading

My 1st through 10th painful psychiatric incarcerations (Part 4 of 4)

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Please consider reading Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of this four part post series before continuing with this post.

***Some content in this post may be disturbing or triggering. This post primarily focuses on a major depressive episode of Bipolar disorder type 1***

At the end of Part 3 of this post series, I had attended my eighth out of 10 hospitalizations for mania and/or mania with mixed features, and was again in an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP). The remaining major depressive episode eased briefly. I had improved sufficiently enough to return back to work part-time and resume care under my private psychiatrist, Dr. Ripley.

Only two months later, the depressive episode worsened to severe, but there were no hints of mania involved. Continue reading

My 1st through 10th painful psychiatric incarcerations (Part 3 of 4)

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Please consider reading Part 1 and Part 2 of this post series before continuing with this post.

***This post may be triggering. It details my personal experience with Bipolar type 1 full blown manias and mixed manias. Not all people with bipolar disorder behave as severely as I detail, or even severely at all. Experiences with bipolar disorder vary.***

At the end of Part 2 of this series, I mentioned that it was after my sixth Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) that I likely quit my medications cold turkey. Because of that, my transition from quasi “wellness” back to complete mood instability was quite rapid. The scariest part was that I had recently returned to work part-time. Continue reading

My 1st through 10th painful psychiatric incarcerations (Part 2 of 4)

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***Some content in this post series may be very triggering***

In Part 1 of this post series, I mentioned that I do not remember at least half of my 10 psychiatric hospitalizations, mostly the second half. In order to write this part of the series I’ve had to refer to the past hospital records I collected to figure out what likely happened when. I may still mix some things up. The hospital records do not contain the full story of my experiences. I remember mentioning that to my current psychiatrist of 12 years, and he said he wasn’t surprised. Continue reading

When I was “In the pink”

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Feeling great physically and emotionally

I have to confess that it’s been years since I exercised regularly. I am even disappointed in myself because I don’t eat as well as I used to. This was not always the case. I’ve had periods in my life when I exercised all of the time and maintained what my husband refers to as my “Every meal two veggie and/or fruit policy.” I was like an army sergeant about that. Luckily hubby likes veggies and fruits. Continue reading