Stream of consciousness – From the present working backwards

stream of consciousness

I’ve been in one of those strange states where at times I feel and seem extremely normal and even pretty well, and yet in ways I’m really struggling. My eating has been just terrible. Really terrible! And I’m even hiding a lot of it from my husband. Almost like when an alcohol abuser hides their bottles.

Morning and early afternoons seem to be OK, but come around 3 pm and I feel like I’m slipping. I’ll admit that I just got my monthly. Perhaps that is playing into this. My motivation is almost nil right now. I have no idea what to make for dinner, and wish I didn’t even have to make it. I wish some vegetable heavy meal would just show up on my table at 7 pm when my husband gets home, and call me to the table, too. Continue reading

When people with bipolar disorder disappear or “fall off the map”

hide in the cornerI’m not sure if I can do justice to this topic right now, but I’m posting about it anyway to explain why I haven’t been around much.

Starting around April of this year, my blog posting slowed up significantly. I confess that my habit of reading other peoples’ blog posts slowed up even more. I don’t even remember where my head was then. Continue reading

Punishment severity (and references to Me Too movement)

Tar and feather
This man was tarred and feathered.

This morning, I was in Burger King splurging on a breakfast sandwich, and on a TV was a show called “Wendy”. The topic was Morgan Freeman and the recent inappropriate behavior/misconduct accusations against him. I listened to the accusations, which after stated received shocked “Ooooos!” from the Wendy audience. I also learned that his contract with Visa Corporation for commercials ended because of them. Will more be? Will we ever see or hear him again? I scratched my head and thought that there seemed a clear difference between his (what I call) inappropriate “dirty old man” behavior, and some of the very serious sexual misconduct, intimidation, and rape charges of other famous men, like Kevin Spacey, Harvey Weinstein, and Bill Cosby. Continue reading

If only more people spayed or neutered their pets

Dog emaciated
A very sad reality for some domestic animals.

I know that pets are so significant in many of our lives. Most give us unconditional love, make us laugh, become integral members of our family, and much more. As a person with bipolar disorder (a mental illness), I’ve also experienced pets as a source of great emotional support. During my life, I have primarily been a cat or parrot owner, but I love all animals. When I see any animal struggling or injured (or dead alongside the road) it breaks my heart. The sad thing is that such observations are far too numerous. Obviously some of these occurrences are just the reality of nature, others are clearly caused by humans, unintentionally, and tragically sometimes intentionally. Though many of us wish we could end humans’ negative impact on animals, often we have to become partially numb to it, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to do some things that can make a difference. Continue reading

Throwing all of the dishes into the trash

Dishes in the sink
Not a photo of my kitchen, but I do have dishes in my sink.

My post title today is nothing I literally did, but it is a figurative representation of something I have done today literally, and might do with other things, as well. Have you ever just wished that stuff you needed to do was just “Poof!” done or gone?  Or that a specific time just passed without having to live it? That’s kind of how I’m feeling today. Continue reading

I’m currently on vacation, mentally, and it feels good

floating in the clouds

Actually, I do have a real vacation coming up, but not quite yet. My husband and I are going to Portugal to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary in the not too distant future. We loved Portugal the first time we went. In fact, it was about the most relaxing satisfying trips I’ve ever taken in my life. Unlike vacations that preceded it, I had no anger outbursts, no anxieties, was motivated to explore, and found pleasure in almost everything. I experienced true peace. I was also not hypomanic or manic. The enjoyment I experienced was pure grounded free pleasure. Though we haven’t yet left for our second trip to that lovely country, I am already feeling that same feeling, even at home. Continue reading

Dieting while on vacation?

Cafe in France

In the near future, my husband and I will take a vacation to celebrate a special event, but just recently, I started a serious weight loss effort. I still have weeks to go before our trip, but the topic of dieting while on vacation has already popped up in my head. Continue reading

I have always loved a good brew! Reflections of a beer lover.

Beer froth

I remember being no more than four years old when my dad asked me to grab him a beer from the refrigerator. That was way back in the mid-1970s. I’m not sure what inspired me to open the can the first time. Was it the challenge of opening it, which back then had the old pull-tabs? Or the curiosity of what that drink tasted like? Either way, I did taste it, and probably unlike 95% of children that age, I actually liked the way it tasted, despite it being what I now call “cheap American swill”. Dad obviously knew I stole a taste, and got a kick out of it. From that point on (as a child), I’d always take a taste. As time went on, the “tastes” grew more substantial. Continue reading

Long haul healthy weight and fitness efforts – creation of a Friday post series

diet

Like many people, I have embarked on serious weight loss/healthy living missions a number of times in the past. Some I saw through until I reached my desired goals. Others started only to peter out prematurely. Right now I know I would greatly benefit from losing some weight again and want to create some plan. Continue reading