I did something, a bit ago, that I feel quite good about. I’ll mention it in the form of a story, for anyone who wishes to read it.
When I was 16 years old, I had just experienced the first severe depression of my life. I nearly flunked the year at school because I skipped many days, hiding secretly at home. When it was realized, I was more punished and scolded, than comforted…for feeling so ill. Some of what triggered the depression had to do with ballet, and my seemingly squashed dreams of becoming a serious ballet dancer. The rest was just the inevitable onset of a disorder destined to show itself, anyway.
I remained college roommates with my friend Liz until her graduation, one year ahead of mine. In my sophomore year (her junior), I lived with her and two of our friends in a campus apartment. It wasn’t long before I realized that I preferred dormitory life. I felt frustrated with the apartment arrangement for various reasons, but mostly because it seemed isolating. Something else might have happened, or not, but I grew very depressed. That year, I had the second worst depression to that date, after one I had at 15 ½. I couldn’t leave my room, at times, and therefore missed many classes. I stopped eating. I was paralyzed! I went from getting all A’s and B’s to getting mostly C’s and a D one semester. I had dropped out of two classes, decreasing my credit load to 12, the minimum required to live in campus housing. But the depression eventually passed. Not slowly, but quite suddenly. Continue reading →
Major changes in life are stressful for anyone, but especially for people prone to, or with, bipolar disorder. My freshman year at college was, indeed, stressful. Even the positive stuff! Like many young college students, I did a lot of partying my first year. There were so many young people on the many campuses of the huge university I attended. So many activities! The city itself was far larger than my small hometown of three thousand, requiring buses to go from campus to campus. As a boarding student, I was away from folks long-term for the first time, caring for myself completely. My classes were intensive and the study environment was far different than I was used to. If there was ever a large trigger for a bipolar episode, this was it! Continue reading →
Mild Trigger Warning – This post series may contain some events that could be mild emotional triggers, especially for those who’ve experienced some form of stalking, rejection, or molestation.
A while back, I mentioned that I was writing a memoir in order to save past memories before they became too fuzzy in my mind. I’ve actually written a chunk of it. Draft chapters can be found by selecting “Story Series” in my Category list (on the right sidebar). The “Four Bouquets of Flowers” stories are ones I can’t quite fit into the memoir effectively, but wanted to write about, all the same.
Following my first love, Mihai, across the country was an exciting prospect. I was just so happy that he loved me enough to want me to join him, and not leave me in New Jersey. I was only about 22 years old at the time. I had never lived with a man before. I guess deep down I thought this was a first step to an eventual marriage. Continue reading →
NOTE: This post contains some mild sexual content. If you are under 18 years old or prefer not to read such content, please skip this post. I only included it because it’s relevant to this part of the story. Also, I have changed the name of my Polish American female friend to Krista.Continue reading →
Falling in love has never been as easy as making scrambled eggs for me. Not to say I didn’t have my fair share of crushes over my earliest years, but somehow I knew the difference between the two. Continue reading →
I remember when I first met the replacement guidance counselor, I liked him immediately. Unlike the former counselor who acted like a disciplinarian, this new gentleman had kind eyes, a soft voice, and unlike most school officials, seemed to treat me like more than just a kid. He was genuinely concerned about what had happened to me. Continue reading →
This is the first part of a two part series describing the first depression and mania of my life. It is a first draft for one of the chapters in my working memoir. For other stories in my memoir, please see my posts in my “Story series” category.
Today I decided to have some fun and walk down memory lane. I set out to search for traces of significant events of the past, and people that I knew and loved, but maybe no longer see. I limited them to a few findings so I could share some brief stories. Perhaps tomorrow and in the weeks to come I’ll discover traces of other things. Often I look past them without a notice. I’ll try to be more observant from now on. They surround me in my home all of the time, and still exist in many other places that I often visit. I’ll start with the oldest memories. Continue reading →