My very first love (Part 3 of 3)

Golden gate bridge

Continuation from My very first love (Part 2)

Following my first love, Mihai, across the country was an exciting prospect. I was just so happy that he loved me enough to want me to join him, and not leave me in New Jersey.  I was only about 22 years old at the time. I had never lived with a man before. I guess deep down I thought this was a first step to an eventual marriage. Continue reading

My very first love (Part 2 of 3)

man hugging woman

Consider reading My very first love (Part 1) before proceeding. 

NOTE:  This post contains some mild sexual content. If you are under 18 years old or prefer not to read such content, please skip this post. I only included it because it’s relevant to this part of the story. Also, I have changed the name of my Polish American female friend to Krista. Continue reading

My very first love (Part 1 of 3)

Love in chinese
This is a first draft of a section of a possible memoir chapter

Falling in love has never been as easy as making scrambled eggs for me. Not to say I didn’t have my fair share of crushes over my earliest years, but somehow I knew the difference between the two. Continue reading

Childhood interrupted (Part 2 of 2)

private school

Please read Childhood interrupted (Part 1) before reading this post.

I remember when I first met the replacement guidance counselor I liked him immediately. Unlike the former counselor who acted like a disciplinarian, this new gentleman had kind eyes, a soft voice, and unlike most male school officials, seemed to treat me like more than just a kid. He was genuinely concerned about what had happened to me. Continue reading

Childhood interrupted (Part 1 of 2)

ballet dancer 1

This is the first part of a two part series describing my first depression and mania of my life. It is a first draft for one of the chapters in my working memoir. For other stories in my memoir, please see my posts in my “Story series” category.

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Hunting for traces of my past, with stories attached

Today I decided to have some fun and walk down memory lane. I set out to search for traces of significant events of the past, and people that I knew and loved, but maybe no longer see. I limited them to a few findings so I could share some brief stories. Perhaps tomorrow and in the weeks to come I’ll discover traces of other things. Often I look past them without a notice. I’ll try to be more observant from now on. They surround me in my home all of the time, and still exist in many other places that I often visit. I’ll start with the oldest memories. Continue reading

My 1st through 10th painful psychiatric incarcerations (Part 4 of 4)

depression falling down

Please consider reading Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of this four part post series before continuing with this post.

***Some content in this post may be disturbing or triggering. This post primarily focuses on a major depressive episode of Bipolar disorder type 1***

At the end of Part 3 of this post series, I had attended my eighth out of 10 hospitalizations for mania and/or mania with mixed features, and was again in an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP). The remaining major depressive episode eased briefly. I had improved sufficiently enough to return back to work part-time and resume care under my private psychiatrist, Dr. Ripley.

Only two months later, the depressive episode worsened to severe, but there were no hints of mania involved. Continue reading

My 1st through 10th painful psychiatric incarcerations (Part 3 of 4)

insanity Van Gogh

Please consider reading Part 1 and Part 2 of this post series before continuing with this post.

***This post may be triggering. It details my personal experience with Bipolar type 1 full blown manias and mixed manias. Not all people with bipolar disorder behave as severely as I detail, or even severely at all. Experiences with bipolar disorder vary.***

At the end of Part 2 of this series, I mentioned that it was after my sixth Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) that I likely quit my medications cold turkey. Because of that, my transition from quasi “wellness” back to complete mood instability was quite rapid. The scariest part was that I had recently returned to work part-time. Continue reading

My 1st through 10th painful psychiatric incarcerations (Part 2 of 4)

outburst

***Some content in this post series may be very triggering***

In Part 1 of this post series, I mentioned that I do not remember at least half of my 10 psychiatric hospitalizations, mostly the second half. In order to write this part of the series I’ve had to refer to the past hospital records I collected to figure out what likely happened when. I may still mix some things up. The hospital records do not contain the full story of my experiences. I remember mentioning that to my current psychiatrist of 12 years, and he said he wasn’t surprised. Continue reading

My 1st through 10th painful psychiatric incarcerations (Part 1 of 4)

psychiatrist

***Some content in this post may be very triggering***
Before I start this post series, please note that I do not remember all of my 10 psychiatric hospitalizations. Many are mostly lost from my memory, so I will use hospital records to assist me in writing about them. This first installment is actually a part of this story series that I do remember in some detail. My bipolar disorder was not at its very worst at this point. My episodes worsened over the four years that followed. In this post I was 33 & 34 years old.
This series is being written in preparation for a chapter in my working memoir.

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