Bipolar and Energy Levels

I’ve been struggling to write in my blog lately, and haven’t been able to read as many other bloggers’ posts as I’d like. I’m sorry! Initially, the struggle had to do with my inability to concentrate due to various levels of bipolar mania (high energy). Now I just plain don’t have sufficient energy. Continue reading

Bipolar disorder – We don’t all have the same exact “flavor” of the illness

bipolar disorder image

One of my blog followers asked if I could describe the differences between Bipolar type 1 and Bipolar type 2 disorders, the most common disorders on what is a bipolar spectrum of disorders. I thought about how I would approach such an article considering the extreme number of articles on this subject online and in books. Continue reading

My very first love (Part 3 of 3)

Golden gate bridge

Continuation from My very first love (Part 2)

Following my first love, Mihai, across the country was an exciting prospect. I was just so happy that he loved me enough to want me to join him, and not leave me in New Jersey.  I was only about 22 years old at the time. I had never lived with a man before. I guess deep down I thought this was a first step to an eventual marriage. Continue reading

My very first love (Part 1 of 3)

Love in chinese
This is a first draft of a section of a possible memoir chapter

Falling in love has never been as easy as making scrambled eggs for me. Not to say I didn’t have my fair share of crushes over my earliest years, but somehow I knew the difference between the two. Continue reading

Woman wanting to strengthen relationships with other women

female friends2I am a woman in her 40s, happily married to a wonderful man for almost 20 years, but beyond that fact I also need to connect more fully with others, especially women.  It’s been quite a long time since I had a close relationship with a woman outside of my immediate family. It’s a fact I want to further examine, and a goal I want to pursue. Continue reading

Pluck me from this horrid place

key in door

Pluck me from this horrid place that I have lived in for so long. No, not from my literal home with you, my love, but from the jail of its inner rooms.

You know the jail itself is solely in my brain. Outside with you are miles of beauty. And yet you only ever look through my jail window at me, saturated by grey and black. Though I do see a glimpse of the outside beauty past your face, it seems surreal and distant. Your face looks sad and frustrated. I kiss it through the jail window, but we both want more. Continue reading

Sensory overload

curtains drawn

I am feeling far from sunny today. Grief fills my heart, mind and soul and everything around me looks grey and decaying. Even with my bedroom light turned on I feel overwhelmed. I shut my curtains for relief. It’s almost as if I have a migraine, but there is no headache, per se. No, my head doesn’t ache, but a great weight is bearing down on it, causing dullness in thinking, strain, and utter fatigue. Continue reading

When I was on the bottle self-medicating

alcoholic-beverages-1845295__340

I remember liking alcohol as far back as a kid, when I would steal sips of beer from my father’s bottle. My parents didn’t even mind if I had a taste of wine at dinner as a young teen. I know this is generally unaccepted in the United States, and yet not uncommon in some other countries around the world. My parents were pretty lax, so found no harm in letting me have a taste. Continue reading

The importance of tapering off certain medications

Geodon ziprasidone

In the past, I have suffered consequences from not tapering off certain medications according to my doctor’s instructions. Perhaps I finally threw in the towel on a medication because of unbearable side effects and wishing to go off the medication as soon as possible, I took the matter into my own hands.  Hey! It’s my body and brain. I can do whatever I want to do! Yeh, but boy was I in for a big surprise. My illness either came back with a vengeance, and I ended up in the hospital multiple times as a result, or Continue reading