Week 8 – Friday Fitness and Weight Loss Update

 

Above: Some of the foods I went overboard eating this week.

Well, you might recall my hefty weight loss just after my return home from Portugal, but since then I’ve fallen off the fitness and weight loss program. I’m glad, however, that I continue to write these updates. Continue reading

The first signs of spring for me – from mood elevation to grackles

Woman sun spring

Last Tuesday, March 20, 2018 marked the official start of spring. By that day, I had already noticed the clear signs of resolution of a recent four week depression. Just prior to that, I had been telling everyone that a mood upswing was due to arrive. After all, spring mood upswings predictably started almost every year at this time. They sometimes started as early as the end of February, or at least sometime in March. This pattern finally arrived, as predicted. Thank goodness! Continue reading

Happiness is the cheapest face lift

Happy woman2

I was only in my mid 20s when I noticed a faint vertical wrinkle between my eyebrows. I don’t think it was noticeable to others, though. And sometimes the wrinkle would almost disappear in my eyes, too. Really, it depended a lot on the mood I was in. You see, when I was depressed, stressed, and/or frustrated and angry I’d often squint. As I’d squint, my eyebrows grew closer and the wrinkle deepened. When I was happy and bright, my eyebrows lifted and grew further apart, pulling the skin almost ironing out the line. Mood alone did the trick. Continue reading

Distractability and spaciness of a person with bipolar disorder

Crocus in snow
Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been very slowly coming out of a depression. This past weekend I felt fairly good, though. I had energy, motivation, and was enjoying activities both with my husband, and alone. And yet on Saturday, my husband said something that initially irritated me, but now kind of worries me. We were at the dining room table and I was playing a beautiful piece of music by Leos Janacek. I had lit a candle and a lovely dinner was on the table. Hubby said something to me, but I was concentrating on the beauty of the music and general situation. It felt wonderful! I heard him, but wasn’t really paying full attention to him.

Continue reading

Silently losing my grasp on mental stability

window staring blanklyI’m sitting here writing this, after over one week of silence on my blog. A while back I wrote of writer’s block, but now I don’t believe that to be completely true. I do have fleeting ideas, but just sometimes have a hard time expressing them beyond a few sentences. The further I proceed in my thoughts and writing, the more I find myself cut short. Continue reading

Another type of bravery worthy of recognition (surviving hardships)

Bravery

When I was a young girl, and then a young woman, nothing could stop me. I felt there was nothing to fear. As a child, I rode my bike alone throughout the town. As a young woman, I traveled alone in countries across the globe. I knew that things would always work out fine, even if I ran into trouble. 

Was it just the way I was raised that made me, a female, so confident and unintimidated? Or did a bit of my bipolar disorder contribute to that, too? After all, bipolar mania can make you feel on top of the world, indestructible, and all powerful. It can also make you more apt to taking risks because of an impulsivity that a stable mind would resist because of common sense, or general caution.  Continue reading

Bipolar (or major depressive) episode denial – Wanting to be stable

moodchart example

The topic of this post is not denial of a bipolar or major depressive disorder diagnosis, though that is extremely common, it is rather when you accept your diagnosis, but don’t want to accept that you’re in an episode.   Continue reading

Dancing in the skies to dancing on the keyboard

dancing on keyboard

I have written over 200 blog posts since the end of February 2017. Of those blog posts, 20 (10%) include a reference to my love and history of dancing. This love seemed to be born in me, and nurtured throughout my youth. Even as I get older, if I’m not dancing on the floor to music, my mind is dancing to the music I create with words. That dance performance can be spied through the brisk movements of my hands as they quickly move upon my keyboard.   Continue reading

I just want to go home, but I’m already home

home seclusion

I remember being at work, or somewhere else, and thinking over and over again that “I just want to go home.” The hours seemed like days. I’d watch the clock, and it would seem to have stopped. Two minutes before I was officially to be set free, I’d run around the corner and make an escape. I knew that those last two minutes would just kill me, so I had to make the run for it while I could still breathe.  Continue reading