I did something, a bit ago, that I feel quite good about. I’ll mention it in the form of a story, for anyone who wishes to read it.
When I was 16 years old, I had just experienced the first severe depression of my life. I nearly flunked the year at school because I skipped many days, hiding secretly at home. When it was realized, I was more punished and scolded, than comforted…for feeling so ill. Some of what triggered the depression had to do with ballet, and my seemingly squashed dreams of becoming a serious ballet dancer. The rest was just the inevitable onset of a disorder destined to show itself, anyway.
Without proper treatment and efforts for wellness…
My bipolar manic behavior can become ‘out of control” and “scary”. It has led to the end of numerous relationships, prevented relationships, got me fired or threatened to be fired, made me quit jobs, affected my job performance, made me lose money, made me put my well-being at risk (in many ways), led to cops being called (or almost called), caused me extreme embarrassment and guilt after-the-fact, hurt and/or scared people I love/like, put my life and others’ in jeopardy, caused me some trauma… Continue reading →
I remained college roommates with my friend Liz until her graduation, one year ahead of mine. In my sophomore year (her junior), I lived with her and two of our friends in a campus apartment. It wasn’t long before I realized that I preferred dormitory life. I felt frustrated with the apartment arrangement for various reasons, but mostly because it seemed isolating. Something else might have happened, or not, but I grew very depressed. That year, I had the second worst depression to that date, after one I had at 15 ½. I couldn’t leave my room, at times, and therefore missed many classes. I stopped eating. I was paralyzed! I went from getting all A’s and B’s to getting mostly C’s and a D one semester. I had dropped out of two classes, decreasing my credit load to 12, the minimum required to live in campus housing. But the depression eventually passed. Not slowly, but quite suddenly. Continue reading →
So my husband and I went to Lowe’s today to look for a new faucet to go with the new counter top we’ll have installed next week. I knew we’d end up leaving there with more than we could carry. I know my people! So, I volunteered to get a cart, leaving hubby to enter the store on his own. When I returned to him, I saw him standing with a young female clerk, both laughing hysterically. I said “What on earth did you say to this young lady?!?!” Continue reading →
I’ve been in one of those strange states where at times I feel and seem extremely normal and even pretty well, and yet in ways I’m really struggling. My eating has been just terrible. Really terrible! And I’m even hiding a lot of it from my husband. Almost like when an alcohol abuser hides their bottles.
Morning and early afternoons seem to be OK, but come around 3 pm and I feel like I’m slipping. I’ll admit that I just got my monthly. Perhaps that is playing into this. My motivation is almost nil right now. I have no idea what to make for dinner, and wish I didn’t even have to make it. I wish some vegetable heavy meal would just show up on my table at 7 pm when my husband gets home, and call me to the table, too. Continue reading →
I’ve been mostly absent from WordPress for quite a while now, except the occasional post, mostly diet-related. I’ve been under a great deal of stress, and have been having trouble expressing myself in certain ways. It’s also been difficult for me to do certain basic activities of daily living, and more difficult to do even more complex chores and tasks, that many people do easily. Multitasking? Overwhelming! Stuff is falling through the cracks, overlooked, and clumsily handled, if handled. Continue reading →
I’ve felt so unwell for the past couple of weeks. I must confess that I “fell off the wagon” both weeks, but particularly this week. Some of my meals were just scrounged from the far reaches of the fridge. Some were delivery, and not the most diet-friendly choices. I guess in my ill state I just didn’t care. Sorry I’m not a better example for dieters right now. Those who follow this update series know that I gained a bit last week. My weight has been going up and down. I’ve been lucky so far that the downs have been about the same as the ups. Continue reading →
Above: Some of the foods I went overboard eating this week.
Well, you might recall my hefty weight loss just after my return home from Portugal, but since then I’ve fallen off the fitness and weight loss program. I’m glad, however, that I continue to write these updates. Continue reading →