The story of my voluntary childlessness

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Obviously from the title you know what this post will be about. Believe me when I say that I thought twice about writing it. Just like certain illnesses, a decision to remain childless, is often stigmatized. Many people assume that childless women have a physical inability to have children, and may therefore be pitied, or seem cold-hearted in some ways for not liking children. There are other reasons, too, that may be judged. I don’t think that because I choose childlessness for certain reasons, that other women similar to me should, too. I believe in freedom of choice, and hope that I won’t be judged harshly for mine. Continue reading

Waiting at the gate for autumn to begin

autumn gate

Do you have a favorite season of the year? If so, which one and why?

After a long winter I welcome the spring for the flowers, milder temperatures and the pleasure to see the grass again. Though summer sports and vacations have their appeal, the extreme heat and humidity can be too much for me. Yes, winter has its wonderland days, but at my age the fun of making snowmen, igloos, and having snow ball fights has sort of passed. Now it’s more fear of driving in the snow, clearing off cars, and shivering any time I go out the door.

So, my favorite season is fall. Continue reading

Why I’m no longer striving to be the absolute best

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I have encountered a few blogs that post mostly about striving to be the absolute best or being a stereotypical “success” in life. It’s like they feel that nothing below the “best” is adequate and that not being the king or queen of the mountain, the head of the whole shebang, the crème de la crème, etc., is good enough.  I’m afraid I’ve not been able to continue reading such posts. Not so much because I don’t think I’d ever be capable if I put in 110% and had a little luck, but because sometimes and for somethings 110% seems like too much, especially if it breeds obsession, and feelings of inadequacy if you don’t meet such lofty goals. Such a difficult meal to cook can turn out to be inedible. Continue reading

Self-destructive habits performed by threesome

 

In a small house lived three creatures yearning for inner peace. Though they loved and supported each other, any kind of sickness still seemed contagious. The stress was like a thick cloud that filled everyone’s lungs like an allergen. You may see that such pain manifests itself sometimes in similar or other times in different ways among closely connected people. Much of it is indeed born from stress, anxiety or depression. Much of it is also self-destructive. In these cases, it’s almost obsessive or compulsive in nature. At least the examples I provide below are. Continue reading

The importance of tapering off certain medications

Geodon ziprasidone

In the past, I have suffered consequences from not tapering off certain medications according to my doctor’s instructions. Perhaps I finally threw in the towel on a medication because of unbearable side effects and wishing to go off the medication as soon as possible, I took the matter into my own hands.  Hey! It’s my body and brain. I can do whatever I want to do! Yeh, but boy was I in for a big surprise. My illness either came back with a vengeance, and I ended up in the hospital multiple times as a result, or Continue reading

Childhood interrupted (Part 2 of 2)

private school

Please read Childhood interrupted (Part 1) before reading this post.

I remember when I first met the replacement guidance counselor I liked him immediately. Unlike the former counselor who acted like a disciplinarian, this new gentleman had kind eyes, a soft voice, and unlike most male school officials, seemed to treat me like more than just a kid. He was genuinely concerned about what had happened to me. Continue reading

Long-term uniform mild mood disruption is not good enough. Or is it?

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People who experience mood disorders, like unipolar depression and bipolar disorder, are most intensely monitored when severe mood disruptions are occurring, such as moderate-severe depression, moderate to severe mania, or episodes with mixed features. Also of deep concern are labile moods where the afflicted quickly cycle between various mood states. In the case of bipolar disorder, this would mean mood fluctuations between depression, hypomania/mania or mixed states within short periods of time (i.e. hours, days or weeks). But what happens in many of these peoples’ treatments when the mood state is uniform/level, but not severe, and yet not completely considered stable either? Continue reading

A tad too demonstrative and open at times

open zipped mouth

In many of the posts I write, I try to acknowledge that some characteristics of people with bipolar disorder (or other mental illnesses) are not totally absent in those without such diagnoses. For example, a symptom of bipolar hypomania or mania is rapid speech, but we all know that there are non-mentally ill people out there that speak very quickly and voluminously.  In this post I want to discuss my tendency to be a tad too demonstrative and open at times. I’d like to explore if that tendency is related to my bipolar disorder, or just me, and if just me, why I’m like this. Continue reading

Seemingly small trigger, but big panic

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I have had issues with anxiety and panic attacks at various times of my life. It either comes with my bipolar disorder at times, or is a separate mental health issue. My panic attacks can be brought on by what may seem like nothing, or at least seemingly small triggers. And panic attacks can easily breed more frequent attacks. Scientists believe this may be part of the “kindling effect”. The kindling effect (originally applied to epilepsy, but now also applied to bipolar disorder, addictions, and even other mental health issues) is where with each episode of the illness, later episodes become more likely and more severe.  It can sometimes be difficult to finally break the cycle of kindling. Continue reading