I did something, a bit ago, that I feel quite good about. I’ll mention it in the form of a story, for anyone who wishes to read it.
When I was 16 years old, I had just experienced the first severe depression of my life. I nearly flunked the year at school because I skipped many days, hiding secretly at home. When it was realized, I was more punished and scolded, than comforted…for feeling so ill. Some of what triggered the depression had to do with ballet, and my seemingly squashed dreams of becoming a serious ballet dancer. The rest was just the inevitable onset of a disorder destined to show itself, anyway.
This morning, I just read a bphope.com blog post by Melody Moezzi entitled “Bipolar & Hospitalization – When Treatment Is Traumatic“. I found it addressed a significant topic that I’ve heard/read others discuss in the past. However, when hearing/reading such stories, I think back to some of my many hospitalizations. I, too, was literally dragged into isolation rooms and given injections. I was, at times, so sick that a hospital security staff member had to follow me around the ward for a couple days and watch me shower. However, unlike Melody’s (and some others’) experiences, when looking back, I found that it was even more my actual bipolar illness that left me with trauma. I don’t deny the trauma Melody writes about, or even that trauma can’t trigger bipolar disorder (I definitely know that), but feel that trauma, from the illness, is too inadequately discussed. Continue reading →
Yesterday I woke up refreshed from a trip to the sunny south, kind of like a much needed winter migration vacation. The light and warmth seemed to recharge my energy and soul. For the first time in ages I got into the car and drove. I stopped here and there, and it seemed like everywhere on a special new found mission. Even though I eventually returned home, I didn’t feel like I drove “back” to any place. Instead, it was like a one-way ride heading forward for a change. My front door was like the entrance to a new house and inside I didn’t head to any old safe nook. I explored new rooms, walked around different corners. Saw things I never before recalled seeing.Continue reading →
About four years ago, I decided that an online class of some sort would be good for me. I haven’t been able to work for a long time because of my mental illness, and other than chores and errands, which I sometimes struggle(d) with, I’ve only been able to do limited things on the computer. The first online class I took was one on memoir writing. I was happy that added something new and enriching in my life. It also made me toy with the idea of writing a memoir of my own. I am a neophyte when it comes to such ambitious writing projects, but not so new to writing short stories. Continue reading →
We spend most of our days consuming edible foods in life, but how often do we consume those that are truly delightful or nicely satisfying? What is delightful to one is not necessarily delightful to another, but when it is it brings a smile to our face, we feel more than just satiated. Of course I’m not writing strictly about food here, though of course that can play a part. What I’m mainly writing about are things that give us pleasure. Continue reading →
Please consider reading Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of this four part post series before continuing with this post, though this post can be of interest all alone.
***Some content in this post may be disturbing or triggering. This post primarily focuses on a major depressive episode of Bipolar disorder type 1***
At the end of Part 3 of this post series, I had attended my eighth out of 10 hospitalizations for mania and/or mania with mixed features, and was again in an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP). The remaining major depressive episode eased briefly. I had improved sufficiently enough to return back to work part-time and resume care under my private psychiatrist, Dr. Ripley.
Only two months later, the depressive episode worsened to severe, but there were no hints of mania involved. Continue reading →
Taking control of an illness is possible for many, to various degrees, but anyone who has had a serious illness knows control isn’t always that easy. It takes work and often support from various people in your life. Sometimes control doesn’t necessarily mean curing the problem, but just lessening the symptoms and the illness progression. Continue reading →