I am a woman in her 40s, happily married to a wonderful man for almost 20 years, but beyond that fact I also need to connect more fully with others, especially women. It’s been quite a long time since I had a close relationship with a woman outside of my immediate family. It’s a fact I want to further examine, and a goal I want to pursue. Continue reading
Sometimes I just have to do it! Actively seek out pleasure and different experiences from time to time. It doesn’t always have to be a vacation, but of course it has at times. The point is that I have to break away from my figurative jail or the hum drum “day in day out” life, and open my eyes to things normally not in my radar. I guess this type of pursuit of pleasure could also be called a sort of deliberate caper. The best are when I meet up with new people or find an environment that seems almost foreign to me, and then become part of it, in a way. Continue reading
Little treasures can often be as significant as big ones, or even more so. A deceased mother’s wedding ring kept in the center of a jewelry box, and occasionally tried on. A prized tuft of your child’s baby hair kept in a memory book, and occasionally used to stroke your cheek. Your favorite book signed by the author in ink, thanking you for understanding his/her words. These treasures may not be of huge monetary value, but they are priceless in your heart. Continue reading
I know that a lot of people out there have asked that question, and there are usually at least a couple of reasons for this final struggle. Yes, I think many of us share at least one reason, but maybe not all. I decided to write this post because one of my main struggles in taking off that last bit of weight is not often talked about. But is it that rare? Continue reading
Lately my mood has been low so I’ve struggled to use some daily prompts in positive (or at least neutral) ways. I try very hard not to allow my thoughts to always turn to the negative. When I saw today’s prompt “tethered” you can imagine my first thoughts were of people or animals tied to something, restricting their freedom to explore, or the like. Yesterday I wrote a post Pluck me from this horrid place where I described being chained up and locked in a room. Luckily I ended the post with thoughts of freedom, though.
So I do recognize that being tethered to something is not always a bad thing, especially if it’s temporary and ultimately for some good. Continue reading
I remember that this photo was taken in late May 1998, just days after my husband and I got married. We had been weaving through the beautiful narrow streets of Rome, Italy, where we spent our honeymoon. With no particular destination in mind, exploring hand in hand, I recall almost no people in the area, except a superfluity of nuns whom we passed on the street right before. Suddenly we stumbled upon this bridge, Ponte Fabricio, which we later learned is the oldest original bridge (62 BC) in Rome. This pedestrian bridge crosses the Tiber River to Isola Tiburtin, the only island in the part of the Tiber River which runs through Rome, and the smallest inhabited island in the world. Again, there was no one around in the vicinity except for us. Continue reading
Pluck me from this horrid place that I have lived in for so long. No, not from my literal home with you, my love, but from the jail of its inner rooms.
You know the jail itself is solely in my brain. Outside with you are miles of beauty. And yet you only ever look through my jail window at me, saturated by grey and black. Though I do see a glimpse of the outside beauty past your face, it seems surreal and distant. Your face looks sad and frustrated. I kiss it through the jail window, but we both want more. Continue reading
In a small house lived three creatures yearning for inner peace. Though they loved and supported each other, any kind of sickness still seemed contagious. The stress was like a thick cloud that filled everyone’s lungs like an allergen. You may see that such pain manifests itself sometimes in similar or other times in different ways among closely connected people. Much of it is indeed born from stress, anxiety or depression. Much of it is also self-destructive. In these cases, it’s almost obsessive or compulsive in nature. At least the examples I provide below are. Continue reading
I frequently use the word magnet to describe my attraction and/or repulsion to places, things and people. The word magnet even reminds me of how I sometimes repel them in my mind, but deep down have an attraction, or vice versa. I call this the third phenomenon of magnetism, where two magnets spin, being drawn together and repelled intermittently, kind of like a yo-yo effect. Where the magnets end up (which force wins out), one will eventually see. Continue reading
I’ll be straight with all of you. I haven’t felt well at all lately, but I’m only mentioning this because I feel that I can no longer feign wellness. My last post was a clear indication that I can no longer keep up the front. Quitting the “front” is a huge relief and writing about this is cathartic.
I know that feigning wellness is not solely practiced by people suffering from mental illness. I think many people (or even most people) out there have covered up their true feelings at times, especially in front of others. Maybe you’re having physical discomfort, like headaches or stomach distress. Continue reading